In the same way that two wrongs don't make a right, two crazies don't make a normal. Or something like that. Which brings me back to my near-Britney experience.

Sometime after pulling into Vegas, I was struck with a hilarious idea. "Hey," I told my girlfriend. "What do you say we get married and then, right after that, divorced. Wouldn't that be great?"

By the dazed expression on her face, I could tell that she:
A.) thought I'd said, "Would you like me to hang you by your feet from the balcony?" or B.) was thinking about something else entirely and didn't hear what I'd said or C.) just didn't get it.
Being 20-ish and funny, I figured it was probably C. So I continued: "Everybody these days gets divorced," I reasoned. "If you don't, it's embarrassing. Like you're a stick in the mud. This way, we get it taken care of without hurting anybody. Whattaya say?"

She just looked at me.

"Funny, huh?" I said.

She said nothing.

I thought about explaining the idea again. But I remembered someone telling me never to explain your jokes. The problem here was my delivery, I concluded. She'd get it in a minute, love the idea, laugh, and off we'd go for the biggest lark of our life.

I waited.

She gaped.

"Are you joking?" she said finally.

"What, uh, do you mean?" I ventured tentatively. I could sense something was wrong.

I don't remember her exact response, but it had something to do with "nuts" and "moron" and "I don't know why I stay with you."

I got the impression she wasn't crazy about the idea.

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