In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that all the snide asides and catty comments in this column are the work of a man who has been known to cut his own hair with a pair of kitchen scissors. My wife hates when I do that.

But I like to think of it as avant-garde. The very unevenness of my self-administered cut would be right at home at an art show or a cast party.

I can hear them now. “Where did you get your hair done?”