how to eat like the prez

ever have fantasies about occupying the oval office? well, we can't promise you that. what we can do is show you how to raid the refrigerator like the leader of the free world. with thanks to oprah and other nosy folks who've quizzed dubya on his eating habits, we've compiled a primer to president bush's diet. first, the guiding principles: bush's eating habits combine classic texas food, tex-mex, southern home-style cooking, and nouveau texas cuisine. oh, and by the way, jalapeños and salsa go with everything.

note to dick cheney: for health reasons, your own fantasies about sitting at the boss's desk can't include many of these recommendations.

breakfast: homemade granola with skim milk (thanks to the first lady). or a breakfast taco of scrambled eggs and assorted ingredients, topped with salsa and rolled into a flour tortilla.

lunch: your lunchbox should contain bologna and cheese on white bread with mayo, or a chef's salad, and chips and salsa. for a hot meal, choose enchiladas suizas, the classic chicken enchiladas topped with swiss cheese. or get ahold of some pork ribs from cooper's old time pit bar-b-que in llano, texas
(you can order this texas delicacy by mail at www.coopersbbq.com).

dinner: pan-fried quail and black-eyed peas. texas-style shrimp, battered and deep-fried, no sauce. beef tenderloin, no sauce. on family
pizza night, have a thin crust topped with tomato sauce, goat cheese, mushrooms, artichoke hearts, and a tad of mozzarella.

snacks: a bowl of popcorn (for the best presidential effect, according to press reports, stuff it into your mouth by the handful). pb&j, crusts on. pralines-and-cream ice cream, ideally from amy's in austin. crème brûleé. coconut cream pie. or best of all, call jeffrey's in austin, or the eatery's outpost in the watergate, and order a chocolate intemperance to go.

- tracy staton