I am not a person who goes around signing petitions to prohibit this or that, so it would be inaccurate to say that I want to ban summer.

Yes, summer does get a little annoying, what with all that shiny brightness and light. Sometimes you want to say, "Dude, cheer down." But annoyance alone isn't reason enough to ban something. I wouldn't support a total ban on summer any more than I would endorse an embargo on people who play rock guitar mingling with the general population even though their legendary egos would land them at the top of a list of The 50 Most Annoying Types of People on Earth.

But I would support a drive to dim summer's wattage a little, perhaps lowering both the heat and the humidity. I could sign onto something like that.

I've always harbored ambivalence toward summer. As a kid, if I were sitting on the couch watching TV on a clear summer afternoon, my dad would invariably say, "What are you doing inside on a beautiful day like this?" And I would always answer, "I dunno." Well, now I know. It's nice in here. In fact, my question is, "What's so great about the Great Outdoors?" Me, I prefer the Great Indoors.

Which is why at this time of year I am drawn to bowling. A bowling alley is the indoor equivalent of autumn. As soon as you step inside, it's, "Ahhhhh." The air is cool. The light is overcast. And there are no bugs. (Except those in the computerized scoring system, but those can only improve my score.)

In here, you have a jukebox. And you can quaff your brew without a dopey koozie. You have chairs, real chairs, not those fold-up deals with the fraying strips of whatever-that-is. Okay, so the hard plastic bowling alley seating is not the most comfortable in the world. But at least you'll never tip over or fall through. Besides, if it were at some European furniture store, they'd call it Modern and charge a fortune.