A revealing documentary shows that some superheroes aren’t always super. By Bryan Reesman

Matt Ogen’s charming documentary Confessions of a Superhero, out on DVD this month, chronicles the down-and-out lives of four aspiring actors who suit up as famous superheroes on Hollywood Boulevard to pose for photos with tourists, collect tip money, and get a big-screen break (they hope). The film is simultaneously funny, poignant, and creepy, showing the crew to be anything but the invincible heroes they portray. There’s the physical: “The Hulk” passes out in a Hollywood restaurant on a 106-degree day that almost melts his plastic suit. And there’s the emotional: “Superman” is a recovering addict. Here we list some of the major differences between the real people and their Hollywood Boulevard hero counterparts.

REAL: Wonder Woman, a.k.a. Diana Prince HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD: Wonder Woman, a.k.a. Jennifer Gehrt REAL: Superman, a.k.a. Clark Kent, a.k.a. Kal-El HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD: Superman, a.k.a. Christopher Dennis Wonder Woman is an amazonian princess who leaves her native Paradise Island to live in the world of men (and other women). She is said to be as “beautiful as aphrodite, wise as athena, swifter than Hermes, and stronger than Hercules.” and she is single. Jennifer Gehrt is a former homecoming queen who left her native Tennessee to pursue fame and fortune in la-la land. She is single — now. She divorced after a quickie marriage in Las Vegas. “I’m very hard to deal with,” Gehrt concedes in the documentary. “I’m very highmaintenance when it comes to attention.” Kal-El, born on the doomed planet of Krypton, is saved by his parents when they put him in a rocket and send him on a course toward Earth. Here, thanks to our planet’s lesser gravitational pull and yellow sun, he has superpowers. (Look, that probably made sense in 1938.) Today, he lives in a city named Metropolis and works, out of costume, as a mild-mannered reporter. Christopher Dennis is a reformed drug user who now smokes cigarettes in private, since heroes don’t light up in public. He got off drugs after deciding “enough is enough,” he says in Confessions. “I was watching TV [while on drugs] and saw a death scene. It was almost like I was watching my own death.” Dennis is now addicted to all things Superman. He has crammed his Los angeles apartment with more than $90,000 worth of Superman memorabilia. To fight against the nazis in World War II. at least, that was the original purpose when Wonder Woman moved to the world of man. Today, she fights somewhat lesser evils of all kinds. To become famous. “What else is there?” Gehrt asks. “Sure, a doctor saves lives, but is he remembered? Is he there for all times? People are still talking about Marilyn Monroe. People are still talking about Elvis Presley. People in the entertainment business are forever here.” To help protect weak earthlings, especially us american weak earthlings. Early on, Superman declared that he stood for “truth, justice and the american way.” Of late, that’s been updated, or maybe downgraded. In Superman Returns, the latest bigscreen adaptation of the character, the slogan has become, “Truth, justice, and all that stuff.” To become famous. Dennis, as Superman, is now a semiregular on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, which is broadcast just across the street from the Kodak Theater and Mann’s Chinese Theatre, where the costumed heroes in Confessions do their work. Those appearances have helped him land other TV interviews and magazine profiles. “I like to think my future holds fame and fortune,” Dennis says in Confessions. “I like to say I’ve got the fame without the fortune right now.”

The Legal Limits of Superpowers All superheroes have their nemeses and weaknesses. For the Hollywood Boulevard “heroes,” those are one and the same: the law. They are bound by law to remain on public property at all times. And they are unable to ask for money, no matter how many snapshots you take with one of them. In Confessions of a Superhero, Christopher Dennis, who dresses up like Superman, explains, “We don’t work for tips. We accept tips. You also cannot name amounts unless you have a permit.” Argh! Those dreaded permits.

REAL: Batman, a.k.a. Bruce Wayne HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD: Batman, a.k.a. Maxwell Allen REAL: The Hulk, a.k.a. Dr. Bruce Banner HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD: The Hulk, a.k.a. Joe McQueen After Bruce Wayne’s parents are murdered before his eyes, he vows vengeance on criminals of all kinds. Luckily, he’s inherited a fortune, which he uses to fund his crime-fighting persona and to buy a lot of tuxedos. Maxwell Allen, who attends therapy sessions in full costume, reveals that before he came to Hollywood, he used to work as a bodyguard for guys with “really long Italian last names.” He was also, he says, involved in gladiator fighting and money collecting. “I’ve unfortunately left a body count,” he remorsefully tells his therapist. Dr. Bruce Banner is a scientist trying to create a powerful weapon for the U.S. military. But his gamma-bomb experiment goes wrong, sentencing him to a life of permanent split personality — as himself in moments of calm and as the Hulk, a monster, in moments of extreme anger. Like whenever he watches The View. Joe McQueen became the Hulk in a moment of extreme need. McQueen had sold his Super Nintendo and bought a bus ticket to L.A., but he arrived with no money and no work. So he spent four years living in the Hollywood Hills. Not in a good way: He was homeless. Then he bought his Hulk costume and transformed himself into a Hollywood Boulevard hero. “To me, it was a different way of panhandling,” McQueen says in Confessions. To take out law breakers by any means necessary. Early Batman even used handguns, and he didn’t mind leaving a body count of his own. Later Batman, especially as played by Adam West in the campy ’60s TV show, was less inclined to murder. Although that Batman had no issues with vronk, splat, and kapow! To become famous. Unfortunately, that’s not working out, Allen says. He explains that because he looks something like George Clooney, he is often shooed away from projects. But it’s not all bad. “My wife is kind of proud of the fact she can tell people she’s married to Batman,” he says in Confessions. “And she likes the fact that I look like George Clooney.” To find a cure for the ailment that causes him to become a giant green being with serious anger-management issues. At least, that’s Banner’s cause. For Hulk, the cause is to smash. To become famous. “To be an actor — that’s what I want,” says McQueen, who does go on to land a small role in Finishing the Game, a parody of 1970s kung fu movies. “I’m out here seriously trying to make a name for myself. I didn’t come out here to get in a costume and stand on Hollywood Boulevard and make chump change.”