Dr.
Deepak Chopra, the high-profile spiritual guru and bestselling
author, said recently that he has never had an argument with his
wife.
When my wife heard this, she said, "Does he
talk to
her?"
Jessica and I cannot conceive of a relationship without argument.
We met arguing. The two of us were at separate tables at an Italian
restaurant, she with her date, I with mine. My date and I
eavesdropped on their conversation, a political argument, and
yearned to get in on it. Somewhere along the line, we did.
As the night and our debate wore on, I found myself falling in love
with the spitfire who seemed to handle the verbal interaction like
an expert fencer. Ah, I dreamed, for her to parry my advance.
I was not careful for what I had dreamed. For one thing led to
another, yada yada yada, and the two of us married. That was nearly
two decades ago. We have been thrusting and parrying ever since. We
argue about how much milk to put in the cereal bowl. We argue about
whether the wall color is forest green or deep emerald. We argue
about whether we are arguing.
Our view is that a married couple cannot exist on harmony alone.
Our motto: We argue, therefore we are.
Maybe Dr. Chopra was speaking semantically. Maybe it all depends on
what the definition of "argument" is. Maybe he means he has never
thrown a dish across the room. If that's what he means, then we
have never had an argument, for neither of us has ever hurled
kitchenware.
But if he means a disagreement over something that is debated to
either resolution or exasperation, then, well, maybe the good
doctor has never had an argument in his marriage, but scarcely a
day doesn't go by that we don't have an argument in ours.
We even have unspoken arguments.
Take, for example, our pillow fight. Not the kind of pillow fight
where we are in bed banging pillows against each other - as much as
we would enjoy that. (Read that any way you want.)