To quote the Bard yet again: The first thing we do, let’s kill all the dry cleaners.

THE REASON I HAVE pants on the brain, and my wife is telling me to get them off the brain because it’s not funny, is that school has started. That means pants will be everywhere.

In summer, nobody wears pants. Summertime is frivolous time. Show-skin time. Wear-bathing-suits-and-shorts time. Walk-around-wearing-skivvies-with-Homer-Simpson’s-face-on-them time.

Fall? That’s back-to-school time. Buckle-down, hit-the-books, nose-to-the-grindstone time. This ain’t no party. This ain’t no disco. This ain’t no foolin’ around. This is pants time.

With pants come students. With students come droopy drawers. With droopy drawers comes the long arm of the law, which isn’t a pretty picture.

But if you live in Delcambre, Louisiana, and your drawers are a little too droopy, you can actually get up to a $500 fine and six months in jail.

Five hundred smackers!

You could buy two pairs of designer jeans for that — and have money left over for pockets.