dishwasher

The Folly Of A Bright Idea

by Jim Shahin
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Which brings me back to my bright idea. Let me digress for a second to say that I know better.

More often than not, no good comes from a bright idea. Take, for example, the dishwasher. Whose bright idea was that? You have to wash the dishes before you put them in. Rinse, you say? Yeah. Right. You can have the fork with the splotchy, crusty thing on it. The bright idea was to sell everybody on the notion that these things are convenient.

People with bright ideas inevitably say that they only want to make things better or easier. No, they don't. They want recognition as the sort of person who has bright ideas. They also want the money that comes from people who buy their bright ideas.

As proof, I offer this: As anyone who owns a computer knows, the worst thing you can do is to try to make things better or easier. Because then you hear something like this: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAZABAZA … HUH? … NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAIIIIEEEEEE … NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! OH. OHH. OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH. NOOOOO! JESSICA!!! JESSICA!!!! NO! AWWWWWW. (Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath.) @#$*$%%#@*%!!! OH. Oh, no. ­(Whimper.)

And that is exactly the sound that came wailing out of my home office on the morning I had the bright idea to establish auto­reply. What happened is, in technical jargon, it didn't work. In fact, things went so awry that you might say - and, again, forgive the lapse into technical computerese - all heck broke loose.

I went to the Scrollbar or Toolshed or whatever they call that thing up there with all the hieroglyphics, clicked on Mail, and chose something called Automatic. A window came up. It said something about Preferences, yada yada.

What. Ever.

My preference was for autoreply, and Auto­matic seemed to me the likely way to do that.


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