You: "Yeah, the
Eiffel Tower really is something."
Your Host: "Eiffel Tower? I was talking about Henrietta. Har, har,
har, har, har."
Henrietta: "Oh, Rod, you silly."
You: "Well, that sure was fun. Thanks for inviting me. Guess it's
time to get goi…"
Your host: "Going? Are you kidding? We're just getting started. We
still have half of
Europe to go. Want some more chips and salsa?
Honey, get him some more chips and salsa."
Maybe the best thing about videotape is that it is so cheap. That
means you can shoot a lot of it. And, boy, people do.
Not long ago, I ran into someone who had just returned from a trip.
She was looking into her camcorder at footage she had shot.
"Good trip?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied, staring into the camera.
"Took some video, eh?"
"Twenty-seven hours."
Twenty-seven hours! They didn't shoot that much film in the making
of Apocalypse Now.
I immediately imagined myself in her living room with 11 or 12
other people, eating chips and salsa, and trying not to hang
myself. "And this is a palace. See. There it is, from the sidewalk
there - interesting sidewalk, don't you think - to the door - I
love that door - to, oh, oh yes, that is a window - I just love
windows." And on and on until, 43 minutes later, we get to the
rooftop, then move on to another palace.
Watching vacation videos is like attending a festival of the
brilliant, but interminably slow films of Michelangelo Antonioni,
the late Italian experimental director. Nothing happens and it goes
on forever.