The Ultimate Top 10
We saw lots of the same rookie-travel "violations" over and over.
Here's a compilation of the ones we saw most often.
10. They have a paper ticket.
9. They stand in line instead of checking
in online or at the self-service kiosks.
8. They get to the airport way too
early.
7. They have too many carry-ons and think
the overhead bin belongs to them and them alone.
6. They attempt to walk down the aisle
before beverage service is over.
5. They ask the flight attendant what the
meal is in Coach.
4. They eat at American fast-food places
like McDonald's and KFC when in foreign countries.
3. They buy something smelly like Chinese
food or fish to eat on the plane.
2. They wear too much jewelry, big belt
buckles, and inappropriate shoes when going through security -
delaying everyone behind them.
And without a doubt, the most
mentioned violation was ...
They try to get on the plane with Group 1, even though their ticket
clearly says Group 6.
Roads Scholars
We asked you to write Top 10 lists on how to spot a travel rookie,
and you responded.
(Boy, did you respond!) Here are some of our favorites - partly
because we know that almost all of us have made at least a few of
these mistakes. Compiled by Sherri Burns
1. "Sweetie, I have to start packing for my
flight to
Milwaukee next week, so I'm going to have to pass on that
quiet time tonight." [Travel rookies start packing for each trip
more than a day (or a few hours … or minutes) ahead.]
2. "Ma'am, I'll be checking two bags. After
all, I'll be gone for almost a week!" [Travel rookies overpack and
have to check bags on short trips.]
3. "Which group did they just call? Which
one? Are you sure?" [Travel rookies crowd around and block the
boarding area when the first boarding announcement is made.]
4. "Oh, I'm sorry, where did I put those
darn things?" [Travel rookies look surprised when, after finally
reaching the agent at the boarding gate, they are asked for their
boarding passes.]
5. "Hmmm, I think my bags will do
better if I put them lengthwise in this bin. Or maybe the
other way. Or maybe I should put my jacket between them as a
cushion. Or, hmmm …" [Travel rookies throw all their carry-on
luggage in the overhead compartment, taking their sweet time
to do so, oblivious of the growing line of happy passengers
behind them.]
6. "Wow! Honey, take one over there. I
didn't know there were lakes in Dallas!" [Travel rookies take flash
pictures out the airplane window during takeoff and landing.]
7. "This is our first flight in a while.
We're on our way to visit my wife's relatives in
Los Angeles. Her
brother is a famous producer or something." [Travel rookies talk
loudly enough for all to hear about how excited they are to be
flying.]
8. "Ma'am, what time are we scheduled to
arrive
now?" [Travel rookies repeatedly ask
the flight attendant how much longer the flight is going to take.]
9. "Wow! You travel a lot. How do you
handle the jet lag when you go from
Dallas to Denver? Is it really
as bad as they say it is?" [Travel rookies look at you knowingly
and ask for "professional" advice.]
10. "Oh my goodness, is it really only 3:30
in the morning back in the States? I'm wiped out!" [Travel rookies
ask you with a disturbed look what time it is back home, instead of
adopting their new local time zone … even after days.]
- Robert Kalka, Georgetown, Texas
10. They take notes during the
preflight safety briefing.
9. Their luggage is filled with flashlights
because they were advised to pack light.
8. Use a walkie-talkie-style cell phone to
make a confidential call.
7. Consider the two-carry-on limit to be
just a guideline or a suggestion.
6. Wear lace-up knee-high boots to the
security checkpoint.
5. Are puzzled by clear-air turbulence
announcements.
4. Rush to board at the first announcement
- until they realize what
Group 9 means.
3. Think that a "Sherri Gulczynski Burns
first-person-pronoun count" is the latest diet craze.
2. Dream of the day that they can say that
they have traveled to every airport listed in the back of the
American Way magazine.
1. Read this entire Top 10 list looking for
the punch line.
- Lonnie Haynes,
Raleigh, North Carolina
1. Wears flip-flops when
starting the climb up El Yunque.
2. Orders a drink "on the rocks" in
England.
3. Calls a woman "madame" in
Nevada.
4. Pronounces the word
Cay as
cay (rather than
key) in the
British Virgin Islands.
5. Looks up all the time in Manhattan.
6. Says "Wow!" to the flight attendant when
getting a hot towel in first class.
7. Wears heavy perfume or
cologne on a
plane.
8. Applauds when the plane lands.
9. Uses a flash when taking a picture out
an airplane window.
10. Asks the flight attendant, "What's the
time here?" -
Steve Carducci, Brooklyn, New
York
10. They buy headsets on the airplane instead of bringing
their own.
9. They wait until the whole movie is over
to stand in line for the bathroom.
8. They can't buckle their seat belt
(usually because they're sitting on it or trying to use part of
yours).
7. They read all of the security cards
available and pantomime the safety procedures when the attendant is
going through the speech.
6. They immediately get in line when the
plane starts boarding, even though they're assigned to Group 6.
5. They stand in the aisle to load their
numerous carry-ons into the overhead compartments (thus holding up
the entire boarding process).
4. They can't figure out how to turn on the
light or use the air conditioner nozzle, so they end up reading in
the dark, freezing, and repeatedly calling the attendants.
3. They cross the personal-space zone by
clutching your arm every time there is turbulence, leaning in to
you to see out the window (they're usually in the middle seat), and
drooling on you when they fall asleep on your shoulder.
2. They freak out and call the attendant
when they see their luggage still on the tarmac (and, yes, they are
still loading the plane).
1. Before enhanced security: They have 10
carry-ons, don't know how to lay everything on the belt, don't take
off their shoes, have to go through twice, and lose their boarding
pass - usually packed securely back in their carry-on. Oh, and
they're usually in front of me in line. -
Huei-Ning Pee, Frisco, Texas
10. Drinking a bottle of water as they go
through security.
9. Embarrassed when they realize an ATM
card does not work in the
e-ticket kiosk.
8. Their frequent-flier status is "tin."
7. Think it is okay to call a female flight
attendant "Toots."
6. First question to flight attendant
pushing beverage cart is, "What do you have?"
5. Try to distinguish luggage by tying
purple ribbon to handle because "nobody else will do that."
4. When standing in security line, say
"What's the big holdup?"
3. Ask for a seat in the back - in the
smoking section.
2. Keep confusing overhead-light button
with flight attendant call button.
1. Keep airsickness bag on lap the entire
flight. -
Greg Schwem, Lemont, Illinois
10. Those poor souls in the middle seat.
9. Standing in
Times Square with a map,
looking puzzled.
8. Those waiting in the long line to rebook
a canceled flight rather than calling the airline's 800 number.
7. Those sitting on the floor at the
overcrowded gate rather than in the comfort of the Admirals Club.
6. People in the long, long security lines
because they do not have the elite status that enables them to go
in the shorter line.
5. Those who travel with black luggage, the
same color as 90 percent of all the other people's on the
flight.
4. Those Heathrow travelers who take an
expensive, long taxi ride into central London instead of taking
the quicker, cheaper Heathrow Express train.
3. Those who deal with the Friday travel
rush rather than spending an extra night and enjoying life and
traveling home the next day, stress-free.
2. Those who buy those blow-up neck
pillows, which never work.
1. Those who don't take full
advantage of frequent-flier or frequent-hotel-guest
programs and who think bonus points aren't important. -
Richard Glaser, Brookline, Massachusetts
1. They take pictures of the
customs agent.
2. They have 14 pieces of luggage.
3. They have no idea what a Turkish toilet
is.
4. They eat American fast food in Paris,
Beijing, etc.
5. They expect everyone in the world to
speak English.
6. They pay the first price asked in a
market.
7. They wear shorts with dark crew socks.
8. They push the call-attendant button
again and again.
9. They leave their belt in the security
check station.
10. They make jokes about carrying weapons
while they're at the airport. -
Lynn Mallory,
Kannapolis, North Carolina
1. Early. 2. Early. 3. Early. 4. Early. 5. Early 6.
Early. 7. Early. 8. Early. 9. Early. 10. Early. No, really:
1. Still early.
2. Sitting too close to the gate.
3. Sitting (we stand and talk on our
phones).
4. Too much luggage.
5. Still early.
6. Don't know the rules of boarding.
7. Stand when the AAdvantage members are
called and block the way into the holding area.
8. Chatty.
9. Don't have a number of valet tickets
hanging off the carry-on.
10. EARLY. -
Shannon
Watts-Miller, Keller, Texas
10. Wears best suit to the
airport.
9. Stands in 45-minute line for boarding
pass instead of printing it at home or using the self-service
kiosks at the airport.
8. Checks luggage for an overnight trip.
7. Can't find identification and holds up
the security line while emptying pockets.
6. Goes through the security barrier with
coins in pocket … gets sent back. Twice. Forgot the left pocket.
5. Leaves cell phone in one of the
baskets at security … doesn't realize it until about to board
the plane.
4. Doesn't have luggage with wheels, so has
to run back to security and then back to boarding ramp with heavy
carry-on banging against already bruised thighs.
3. The bag is so heavy because it contains
an 18-inch laptop with a 20-minute battery.
2. Forgot about the time change in the
connecting city.
1. Booked a flight with only 20 minutes'
leeway in the connecting city. (Hey, that was me I was describing …
once upon a time.) -
Joan Merrill, Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma
1. Still call them stewardesses.
2. Have a plaid suitcase, duct-taped
closed, and are arguing with the ticket agent that they deserve the
free upgrade.
3. Stand in the middle of the concourse in
DFW staring at the monitor, oblivious to the flow of travelers
having to dodge around them.
4. Ask the flight attendant what is below
the airplane, especially after dark.
5. Spouts off with, "When I flew (other
airline), they comped my drinks."
6. Are amazed by the products displayed in
SkyMall and has to show them to their
seatmates.
7. Just before the door closes, and as soon
as we touch down, get on the cell and
loudly proclaim "Just now leaving for Frisco," or
"Yep, just landed in Chi-Town."
8. Ask what the meal is in coach for a
30-minute flight.
9. Remove the big belt buckle, cell phone,
keys, coins, and other metal items one at a time through the
security checkpoint, so they single-handedly tie up a dozen
different flights.
10. Complain (loudly) to all around that
just because they were late for check-in and purchased a
nonrefundable, nonchangeable ticket, it is not fair that they had
to pay a rebooking fee! -
William Krauss, Wilton,
California
10. Snakes to the front of the
line to board the plane, even while holding a Group 6 boarding
pass.
9. Wields a backpack/megapurse that knocks
the heads of every aisle-seated
passenger.
8. Thinks flirting followed by anger will
result in a seat upgrade - and improve the weather.
7. Wonders aloud what celebrities are in
First Class.
6. In an ambitious but vain attempt to look
like the natives, wears a cowboy hat when traveling to
Texas, a
white linen jacket to
Miami, and a flowered shirt to
California.
5. Completely incapable of dealing with
delays, adjacent children, and undesirables without voicing their
displeasure at an embarrassing volume.
4. Uses carry-on luggage that was
previously in duty to transport groceries.
3. Has forgotten the value of "Please" and
"Thank you."
2. Eats in the same restaurants on the road
that he frequents at home.
1. Pays no attention to the beauty and the
uniqueness of every place he travels.
-
Paul Ceverha, Dallas, Texas
1. I once saw a lady who came on
the plane with her kids and sat down in First Class. When the
ticketed person asked her to move, the lady mentioned she was there
first.
2. Trying to carry on an item that must be
kept at the security checkpoint.
3. Looking for ID at the checkpoint,
holding up passengers.
4. Attempting to board the plane outside
the normal group calls.
5. Dressed in very uncomfortable clothes
because it makes them look good.
6. Asks where this plane is going.
7. Very excited at hotel check-in (with, of
course, seven bags for a four-day stay).
8. Someone who tries to slip a bag two
sizes too big under the seat.
9. I once heard someone complain that a bag
was in "her spot" in the overhead bin above her seat, even though
the spaces around her were empty.
10. Someone who fidgets with the
auto-mated machines. -
Rich Renner, Maryville,
Illinois
1. Rookies do not grab the first
free blanket they see when boarding.
2. Rookies purchase headsets for $2.
3. Half of the stuff in the rookies'
carry-ons now belongs to the Transportation Security
Administration.
4. Rookies pay attention during the safety
briefing.
5. Rookies' bags have a "heavy" tag.
6. Rookies expect food on the plane.
7. Rookies mistake the cockpit door
for the bathroom door.
8. Rookies do not start reading
American Way from the back, at Jim
Shahin's
column.
9. Rookies do not know how to clear their
ears during descent.
10. Rookies aren't upset when they're
assigned a middle seat. -
David Fenstermacher,
Media, Pennsylvania
10. Look for a passenger stuffing paper
department-store bags into an overhead bin.
9. Look for the traveler who tries to go
through security with a large cowboy belt buckle.
8. Look for a passenger who has a middle
seat and actually asks you to switch your aisle seat with him.
7. Look for a hotel guest who relies on the
hotel's wake-up call.
6. Look for an airline passenger who thinks
that "all overhead space" means "all mine."
5. Look for a passenger in an airport who's
pulling out clothes in the check-in line because his bag weighs 80
pounds.
4. Look for a hotel check-in guest who does
not have a room at 11 p.m. because no late arrival was guaranteed.
3. Look for a greenish cruise-ship
passenger who had no idea that the ship might rock.
2. Look for a passenger stepping out of a
taxi who has no cash or credit card.
1. And, finally, look for a passenger who
asks you for a pillow just because you're a woman wearing a navy
suit. -
Patricia Conover, McKinney, Texas
10. Checks his luggage. (If you
can't cram two weeks of clothing in a carry-on, you are not
trying!)
9. Looks around when disembarking. (A pro
knows where the exits are!)
8. Stays awake the whole flight. (Pros find
engine noise so soothing that it's impossible to resist taking a
nap.)
7. Lips don't move along with the flight
attendants' when they make the preboarding announcements.
6. Forgets to remove shoes at security.
5. Doesn't spring for the
GPS system in his
rental car.
4. Leaves at least one item of his standard
entertainment package at home (iPod, book, DVDs, smartphone with
games).
3. Forgets that the weather is
different in different cities. (Chicago is a bit colder in
winter than Miami. Think I should have brought a coat?)
2. Hasn't figured out that carry-ons can't
fit lengthwise on the left side of the plane.
1. Actually knows what city he's in this
week. -
Skyler Thomas, Georgetown, Texas
10. They are wearing clothes
with so much metal they'd have to strip to pass through the
detectors.
9. They don't have their boarding pass and
picture ID available at security.
8. They start yelling at the gate agent
when their flight is delayed.
7. They ask the flight attendant what meal
will be served in coach.
6. They arrive at the airport with 30
minutes before boarding on a Friday afternoon of a three-day
holiday weekend and seem surprised at the security line.
5. A woman with a roll-on suitcase, a
carry-on tote, a large purse, and a shopping bag of gifts who gets
upset at the gate agent for telling her she is limited to two
carry-ons.
4. They arrive at a foreign airport and
stop in their tracks, looking at the signs, even though nothing is
in English.
3. They board a plane from a warm climate
wearing shorts, shirtsleeves, and open shoes and wonder why they
are freezing the whole time.
2. They try to stuff a bulging carry-on
suitcase in the overhead cabinet and get angry when the flight
attendant informs them it will have to be checked.
1. They seem confused and then angry when
the ticket agent tells them there'll be an extra fee for their
100-pound suitcase (for a four-day trip), and then try to unload
some of their things to anyone willing to take them. -
Sandra Kinkade, Fort Worth, Texas
1. Stands directly in front of
ticket kiosk while waiting for name to be called for baggage tag.
2. Stands in line for 30 minutes, watching
each and every passenger provide ID and boarding pass, but
initiates search for ID and boarding pass only upon reaching the
security screener.
3. Adorns herself with multiple rings,
bracelets, and earrings, and initiates long discussion with the
security personnel concerning the necessity to remove steel-toe
boots.
4. Interprets signs and verbal reminders to
"keep your boarding pass in hand" as code for "place boarding card
into inaccessible interior pocket of carry-on bag."
5. Upon hearing the phrase "Excuse the
cart," immediately stops walking and looks from side to side.
6. Forgets kindergarten math and stands at
boarding area expecting that, in the alternate universe that is the
airport, Group 5 will come before Group 2.
7. While boarding, takes the maximum amount
of time in the aisle while searching the bottom of his large
carry-on bag for important items like a lost Snickers bar before
shoving the bag in overhead bin, crushing all other contents in
bin.
8. Requests verbal recitation of all
available beverages from flight attendant during in-flight
service.
9. When disembarking, stops immediately
upon entry into terminal to ensure mass pileup of passengers behind
him.
10. Upon learning that road warrior travels
for work, travel rookie states how lucky you are - and who are we
kidding, we are pretty lucky. -
Tammy Redmon, Fort
Worth, Texas
1. Luggage owns the person.
2. Rushes.
3. Obsessed with the details.
4. Wears high-heeled shoes.
5. Talks too loud, too much in small public
places.
6. Luggage doesn't have wheels.
7. Can't accept "no" when things go wrong
or change.
8. Reclines his seat all the way during
mealtime.
9. Thinks he has to have a paper ticket …
e-ticket, what's that?
10. Compares everything with how it is at
home. -
Janie James-High, Prescott Valley,
Arizona
10. A direct relationship to the degree of
rookieness with the number of pieces of jewelry/metal worn when
entering security.
9. Attempting to walk the airplane aisle
before the beverage service is over.
8. The lack of a BlackBerry/PDA phone.
7. The ability to bump into every aisle
seat passenger on the way to his seat.
6. Irritation over a weather delay (not the
agent's fault!).
5. The belief that no carry-on is too big
to fit in the overhead.
4. Luggage without wheels.
3. Paper tickets.
2. Boarding groups are a mystery.
1. How does this do-it-yourself “check-in thingy” work? —
Michael Dixon, Edwardsville, Illinois