Holly | Christmas | sports team | Pain in the neck

I Got Your Fa-la-la

by Jim Shahin
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She excavates a half-dozen big boxes, unearthing a trove of holiday pictures, holiday serving trays, holiday snow globes, holiday lights, holiday table settings, holiday throw blankets, holiday knickknacks, and holiday you-name-its.

I carry the boxes up from the basement and complain about it.

She dons holiday colors, as if the holidays were a sports team.

I think, Push 'em back, push 'em back - waaaaaay back!




For the previous year and a half, we lived in a house with a gigantic holly tree. You might say that it was Christmas at our house all year-round. You might also say that if I never see holly again, it'll be too soon.

Let me say right off the bat that I have nothing against holly as a symbol of the season. It's holly itself I have a beef with.

You know what a holly tree is? I didn't. I thought holly grew on a bush.

Apparently, though, it grows on a bush and a tree.

Lucky us.

The holly tree in our backyard was the size of our three-story house. We were told that it was the largest holly tree in the world and that it had even been featured in magazines. When we first moved into the house, I would brag about it. We'd sit on the deck with friends and family and I'd say, "See that? Holly tree. Can you believe it? They say it's the biggest one in the world. Been in magazines, they say. I don't know. Maybe it's just the biggest in the Western Hemisphere. Whatever, it's big, huh? Beautiful. Like Christmas year-round."

After living with it for a few short weeks, my story changed. "See that? Holly tree. Put your shoes on. The leaves have claws. And they rain down like a monsoon. It's like having a lawn full of live crabs. Pain in the neck, that holly tree. Our luck to have the biggest one in the world."


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