Home (Stretch) for the Holi-Daze


"And they're off …

"Crazed Shopper leaps out of the gate, with Festive Partygoer a close second. Bunched up with My In-laws Are Coming are I Don't Have a Clue and Honey Where's the Scotch. Bah Humbug trails slightly, and Bedraggled Host pulls up the rear."

"If you're just joining us, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Holiday Downs for the annual running of the Festivity Derby. We are just getting under way for one of the most prestigious - and grueling - endurance races known to mankind."

"And womankind, Jim."

"Right you are, bucko. We certainly don't want to forget the ladies. Especially since, in this race, they do most of the running."

"You know that's true."

"Thank you for tuning in. I'm your host, Jim Chestnuts.

"In the booth with me are our play-by-play man for this nearly six-week-long contest, Gene Gulbells, and our analyst, Sam T. Claus. Y'know, Sam, the season seemed to get started­ particularly early this year."

"I saw Christmas ads back in August."

"Is that right?"

"Liquor, as I recall. Couple of strands of twinkling lights wrapped around a bottle."

"Huh. They get started earlier and earlier every year."

"Really made me thirsty."

"That'll happen. The race, as you know,
is -"
"The good thing is that I stocked up, got ahead of the curve."

"That is good. In this race, the important thing is -"

"Of course, I drank it all."