Which is why we might want to rethink this whole Mars thing. Back
in his first term,
President Bush proposed a manned mission to the
Red Planet. I was all for it at the time. Then I learned about the
cows.
According to a recent study by a lot of scientists, Mars, as a
planet, stinks. Literally, stinks. Apparently, the place is
shrouded in methane gas.
You know what methane gas is, right? Yes, it is the gas that causes
everybody to look accusingly at everybody else in an elevator. Or
as the New Scientist magazine puts it: "Methane is of great
interest because on Earth, almost all of it comes from living
things - everything from rotting plants to bovine flatulence."
They said it, not me - bovine flatulence. I would not say bovine
flatulence because bovine flatulence is an indelicate thing to say.
But, indelicate or not, there it is in a respected scientific
journal, bovine flatulence.
Methane emission is a stinker of an issue. On the one hand, the gas
contributes significantly to global warming. On the other,
opponents let rip against proposals to reduce methane, particularly
from animals. The political air in
New Zealand, for example, was
fouled not long ago by a proposed flatulence tax levied against
farm animals. But outraged farmers pooh-poohed the idea and the
government ended up sitting on it.
In the interest of science, I should note that animal flatulence
isn't the only source of methane emission. Animal belching also
plays a major role. These are big problems that lead us inevitably
to one conclusion: Animals are pretty disgusting.
Course, that's why we call them animals. But, humans are animals,
too. And we call them that for good reason. Ever watch football
with a bunch of guys? The methane produced in a single neighborhood
no doubt violates the greenhouse emission standards of the Kyoto
treaty on global warming.