Premier

Whoever the guy is who gets to tell you the prep time for a recipe, that's a guy with a great job.

Or the guy who tells you how long it should take to get somewhere. I go online all the time to get directions because I almost never know where I am going, which is an old Boojamra trait. Boojamra?, you ask. It's a country my brother and I founded years ago. A lot of people think it doesn't actually exist. But first of all, let me tell you that it has a specific pronunciation, which isn't like it looks. It isn't Boo-jam-ra. It is Boo-shum-rolled r-uh. Would a country that hard to pronounce not exist? Okay then. It's also got its own flag, which I won't go into here. But I will tell you its motto: "I like to drive, but I need direction."

I am a Boojamran through and through, which may explain why I am also the premier of Boojamra. At least I think I am. In Boojamra, they have a saying: "Boojamra is wherever you are." I don't know what that means, but I think it means that everyone who chooses to be a Boojamran not only can be, but is. And that, by some leap of logic, means that anyone can be premier. I'd need to check the Boojamran constitution on that. Unfortunately, Boojamra doesn't believe in a constitution. Never mind. The point is that even if you are not a Boojamran and never have been to Boojamra, directions always say that getting somewhere will take 17 minutes. If you get all the lights and everybody stays home and you don't get lost, maybe you'll make it to where you're going in a half-hour. Never the allotted 17 minutes. Not even in Boojamra, which has no traffic and no traffic lights.

But the thing that I would most love about having the job of telling others what things should be like is getting a chance to calibrate other people's emotions. Just won the lottery? Feelin' like a million bucks? Actually, you are feeling less like a million bucks than right in the neighborhood of a post-tax $478,000. That's still good. Just not quite a million bucks.