HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It's great to be back on the airplane again.

I have just one question for ya: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!!!??? I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO ROOOCK!!!???

You. Over there. Sipping your champagne in first class. Are you ready to rock?

I caan't heear you …

All riiight.

Now, what we're gonna do is a little thing I like to call, Call and Response. When I write, "Are you ready to rock?" you push your flight attendant call button.

Okay. Ready?

No, wait a minute. Bad idea. Really, really bad idea. Like when the Stones released "Angie." "You're beautiful. Yeah." Blecch, blecch, blecch.

Okay, here's what we'll do instead.

Last year was the unofficial but generally accepted 50th anniversary of rock-and-roll.

Before we get started on the next 50, let's make some decisions, all right?

What is the stupidest lyric of all time?

Who is the most overrated band in rock history?

What does the name Creedence Clear­water Revival mean, anyway?

This is where you come in. Let's settle these important questions once and for all. You and me. Why leave the judgments about rock to the elites, like those glasses-wearing geeks who spout arcane tidbits, such as who played tambourine on the Byrds' "Mr. Tambourine Man," which was actually Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man"? Um, there was no tambourine on the Byrds' version of "Mr. Tambourine Man." Let me adjust my glasses here. Okey-doke. Ready to rock now. But before I do, what, exactly, is a magic swirling ship?

Never mind. The point is, I want you to write me with your suggestions for the categories I'm providing here.

To help get you started, if I am asking for your opinion, it is only fair that I give you mine. Actually, there is no freakin' way that I wouldn't. Here goes: