This happened to pretty much everybody who called, including book agents with really important deals involving movies and national tours. How else could I explain that I had not received any such calls? Exactly.

Inexplicably, some people did make it through. Apparently, there existed a list that permitted entry to some, not to others.

I no longer had a phone. I had a velvet rope.

It was probably easier to call the White House.

Ultimately, I called the phone company and told them to remove Caller Private-Club.

My point is, sure, we pay a lot higher monthly bills than we used to. But that’s because of all the amazing improvements. Aren’t they great? Can’t wait till they come out with the next one.