Zachariah Jedediah Springfield | Homer Simpson | Nintendo | Bum Town

Homer, we're sure you know that Springfield was founded by and named for frontiersman Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield, who famously said, "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man."

Can you tell us something else about the town's history? History? Who do I look like to you, Doris Kearns Goodwin? No, seriously - ­sometimes I look in the mirror and I see her staring back at me.

Springfield is divided into many neighborhoods. There's Chinatown, Bum Town, Junkyville, Crackton, Greek Town, Pressboard Estates, Tibet Town, and the South Street Squidport. Do you have a favorite? My favorite is your home neighborhood: Stupid-Question Town.

Do you have a favorite family-getaway destination that's close to Springfield? An amusement park or a campground, perhaps? Oh, I know a great place. It's called "hammock in the backyard with a six-pack of beer while the kids are inside playing Nintendo." For saying that, I'd like a free Nintendo.

We've heard that you've had some troubles with various all-you-can-eat buffets. Are those issues now resolved? Well, let's just say that the case of Homer Simpson v. the Frying Dutchman Seafood Restaurant is working its way up the appellate courts, and it will probably reach the Supreme Court. At that point, I think I'll have a good shot, because I once saw Clarence Thomas at a Hometown Buffet, and he was loading his robes with garlic knots.

We've noticed that there are plenty of sports that Springfielders can enjoy. They can catch a game at Isotope Stadium, or they can get together at the Bowl-a-Rama or Sir Putts-a-Lot Merrie Olde Fun Center. Do you do much athletically, Homer? Oh yes. I work out on the StairMaster five times a week - not! Look at me, I'm a fat load! Enjoy your flight. I'm going to Moe's!